Searching for un-pessimism

Sunday I increased the dosage to 2 estrogen patches. Side-effects include headaches, nausea and loss of appetite. Should I call the clinic to report or just accept it. It is not like they are going to change the protocol, so I really don't see the point. Wife doesn't agree, but this is my decision, right?

So I give myself a C+ so far on following the herbalist's recommendations.
- I am doing great on dinner for breakfast, but I think that may have something to do with loss of appetite. I am just not hungry at lunch time then.
- I have been eating a lot of red meat, but I couldn't stomach the cost for grass-fed and organic meats. So just organic will have to do.
- I am drinking about 8 oz of water with chia seeds (instead of the 16 oz recommended).
- I have been drinking the evening tea, even though it is DISGUSTING!
- I have been taking the enzyme with only about half my meals. I keep forgetting. Even still, it seems to be helping as my "digestion" is much more active.
- I have taken the probiotic each evening and it too is pretty gross - it goes down quickly if I take my vitamins with it.
The issue I see is that I have been doing this for 3 days and already it seems like a big pain. I have 2.5 more weeks and while I am hoping I will get into a routine, I feel it is more likely that I will give this all up as an unnecessary burden. I don't feel more energetic (yet?) and I don't feel more fertile (yet?) and I don't feel more connected to "Alison" (yet?). Quite possibly a $200 waste of time and money. (Sure, compared to IVF, $200 doesn't sound like much, but we could certainly use it in our regular household budget.)

On a more positive note, I had a really nice date with Wife on Friday - it had been too long since we got along for an entire evening. We went to a movie (where I gave my evening Lupron injection during a dark scene) and then out for sushi. I am hoping that I won't be able to eat sushi for several months starting in a few weeks, so I better get my fill now. I told wife about Alison, and she surprised the heck out of me by not freaking out or calling me a dork or anything mean or negative. She started talking about names and it was fun to imagine what it will be like when we have another child. Of course the conversation steered mostly to the idea of having more children, but I shared how I was afraid if I got my hopes up about twins I might be disappointed if we"only got one," as if that would ever be a bad thing. And surprise of all surprises, she understood and let it go. It was a really nice evening.

We had a few snits over the weekend, but in general I am feeling cautiously un-pessimistic about our relationship. And that is a nice improvement. I am hoping to upgrade my feelings about this FET cycle to un-pessimistic soon. I have 2.5 weeks to get my mind in gear, to drop the fear, to ditch the negativity and stress.