"Threatened Miscarriage"

Well it has been an interesting few days...weeks actually. I haven't been posting because I have been completely overwhelmed and my brain has been all over the place. Exactly when I should have been blogging! To organize my thoughts, etc. But now I am just going to event dump for my reference - perhaps one day I will want to remember this?

Of course, in case either of my 2 readers check in and are concerned about my pregnancy, I should preface this my saying so far Baby is doing well. We have a good heartbeat. And now to my story...

Three weeks ago, work got very busy. My boss resigned, leaving vacant a job that I was looking to eventually have. So I was suddenly tasked with doing my boss's work and deciding, Do I want to go for a promotion, which would mean a lot more work and more stress, but also more money and good for long-term career. Short-term vs long-term. But since I was basically doing his job anyway... But ultimately I decided my priorities are with our baby. Timing isn't right. So I didn't go for the big promotion.

Two weeks ago, work came up with a good outcome for me - I got a little promotion. Instead of the entire global organization with oversight of 9 employees, I got a section of it, with 2 employees and me. Still a little stressful since one of the employees is brand-spanking new and the other one is a good work-friend who is not pleased with the idea of reporting into me. So yes, there was a bit of stress, which may have led to some weird cramping. At first I thought it was because of my crazy insane constipation. But then it didn't go away and I started to get nervous. So I had a few days of cramping, no spotting, and then went to the midwife. Doppler indicated a good heartbeat, cultures indicated no infection. So unexplained cramping that is probably from constipation. Great!

Then last week I was hit HARD by a cold. Total nasal drip on one side, blockage on the other - head fuzzy and can't breathe or sleep and it is completely ridiculous how many times I peed myself when I sneezed. And the cramping when I coughed. Really threw me for a loop. And even though I was super-busy at work, I took a day off because I felt like crap. I don't do that easily. I also worked form home two days so as not to infect the rest of the office. Sure, my new boss joked about how I was working on my sick day - and I tried to tell me I was sick but not taking a sick day, I was working! But I can tell this guy gets his own ideas about things and that is how it is. Anyway, last week was hard, balancing work and feeling like crap.

Which leads me to the weekend. Sat afternoon I was just about to go out, even though I was still sick - I needed to get out of the house. I was going to buy myself a new cell phone, a treat to help get me out of the funk of stress and feeling bad and behind on everything. But first, I had to go to the bathroom. And since I am a constipated little gal, this required a fair amount of straining. I actually thought, "I wonder if this is how labor is going to feel" even knowing that it was nothing compared to labor. But I can't even describe my shock and fear when I looked into the toilet and saw it was bright red. Of course my first thought was wondering whether it was vaginal or anal - so I started wiping like crazy and trying not to get alarmed. I called for Wife, who was putting Kids down for nap and couldn't hear me above their protests. I put a pad on to see where the bleeding was coming from and flushed (bad idea - next time [ha ha] keep it to show Wife so she won't think I am overreacting....) before getting Wife. Told her the situation and went to ER.

Just a note: local ER sucks. It took one hour of me sitting in the lobby, bleeding and crying, before I could get a bed. Then it took another 30 minutes before a nurse came in, then another hour before the ultrasound that finally showed our baby is ok. They suck! Sure, I actually had stopped bleeding sometime while waiting, but I didn't know this. Wife helped calm me down - she found friends to come watch Kids so she could join me. She was so mad about my not having a room that she started going up to the desk every 10 minutes and fighting for me. Then calling everyone an idiot. Made it so I didn't have to. Anyway, after ultrasound and pelvic, Dr. ER says something about hemorrhage behind placenta, and leaves the room. Leaves me nobody except Dr. Google, which had an array of prognoses but not a lot of helpful information. I am 16 weeks pregnant, just inside the second trimester. I read a bit about what I think this means during the first trimester (subchorionic hematoma) and even during the third trimester (placenta abruptio), but what about me? Another 30 minutes and Dr. ER says diagnosis is "Threatened Miscarriage" with a 50-50 outcome. He mentions a "tear." Suggests bed rest and no work for 4-5 days. Come back if it gets worse. Thanks.

Funny part, though: I went in for a urine sample, and I was so distracted and wondering how the bleeding was that I peed so I could wipe. Then I used cleansing toilette and opened the urine sample cup and THEN realized Holy Crap - I already peed! When I came out I told the nurse "it didn't work" and Wife was like "what? how does it not work?" and I had to tell them what I moron I was. Had to laugh because it was just such an idiot move.

OK, so talked to midwife on call on Sat evening and spent next 24 hours in bed and on couch. Contemplating 50-50 chance. Trying to think happy thoughts. Oh, also went to my wonderful acupuncturist who made time for me on Sunday morning. Sadly she also gave me some of the most foul-tasting herbs to drink, but if it works... Then Wife had the brilliant idea of calling Dr. PAN (IVF doc) who just happened to be in the office on a Sunday afternoon (gotta love workaholic docs). He gave me some reassurance, that if there wasn't any more bleeding since the first incidence it is probably all fine. We saw heartbeat and I wasn't having major cramping, etc. "But would you feel better if you came in for an ultrasound tomorrow?" Does a bear shit in the woods? Hell yes. (He also offered Sunday afternoon ultrasound, but his office is too far and I wasn't up for it.)

So I went to Dr. PAN at 8:45 this morning. Such a difference. He got me right in, of course, and immediately put me at ease. Showed beautiful Baby. Showed intact placenta. Showed subchorionic hematoma but not of an alarming size. Thought it would go away as Baby gets bigger. Does not recommend bed rest (only after two bleeds during second trimester - would be different if later in pregnancy). Gives a mere 5% chance of miscarriage. Even threw in a picture and free anatomy scan, but that turned out to be inconclusive.

(Gee - I need to post more often...this is LONG!)

So here I am with two quite different views on what is happening, and I really don't know exactly what to do with all the information. I have one more appointment this afternoon - with a new OB since I am not feeling that a midwife is going to be enough anymore. Work is putting crazy stress on me - when I emailed my boss to tell him what was up and give him info he would need if I was not reachable, he never emailed back. No sorry to hear that or rest or thanks or anything. But I also said that while on bed rest I hope to be able to work since sitting around doing nothing would drive me crazy. And then when the first little thing comes in from another VP, and I say I will do it and get back to her shortly, my boss says he has reassigned it. Even when I email to say I am available to help/work, he tells me to rest and he will handle things. Blah blah! If bed rest is supposed to reduce stress then I am doing something wrong. I think I would be better off at the office. (OK, not entirely. I do have appointments and I have spent the last hour or so doing this post.) I am concerned about what this means for my career future, but trying to focus on the priority here. Just wish I had better answers about how much energy I need to give Baby - I know better, safer to overdo Baby-focus. Just don't know what the cost will be, and that bothers me.

But in the end, healthy Baby in 24 more weeks is the best outcome. And I need to focus on that. The other stuff can be worked out later. I guess I can't get too much rest and the potential cost of not getting enough rest is too high. Man - why does it take me posting a book to get at something that is so obvious?

NT Testing Results

Good news on the baby-is-healthy front. But first let me set the stage...

I have to admit the ultrasound tech got me a little worried at first: Kiddo was being a little less than cooperative and wouldn't roll over. And I blew it by forgetting to drink lots of water beforehand. (The 4 glasses I chugged right before the scan didn't reach my bladder in time...) So anyway, the tech had lots of time trying to get Kiddo into the right position, and while she was waiting she looked around lots, showed lots of pictures of beautiful hands, feet, legs, etc. She was super chatty and even cracked a few jokes, mostly about me being almost upside down on the chair (hoping that would entice Kiddo to roll, but it didn't really). Anyway, when she finally got good NT readings, she suddenly clammed up. Completely. Then folded the towel over my tummy and said the doctor would be in soon to discuss the results. At this point my heart was beating so fast!

So, of course I turn to Wife to look for some reassurance. But it turns out she is really pissed at me and not in the mood to talk. Big cold shoulder. Apparently one of the things I was "chatting" with the tech about was the Kiddo's gender, and I mentioned how I didn't want to know it (if that was a possibility, just so it didn't accidentally come out). Wife replied, "Well 'we' aren't against knowing. I want to know." to which I replied "But luckily I get to decide." And that is why the entire ultrasound was ruined for Wife. Now maybe I shouldn't have said that. Maybe not as flippantly as I did. But isn't this something that I do get to decide? We have talked about it. This was not news to her. But apparently she is still pretty bitter about it, so I shouldn't have rubbed her nose in it? Did I? Well, I am feeling a bit conflicted - I apologized immediately but only half-heartedly. And I don't know if I feel like apologizing for real. I don't know if I feel bad. I don't know if I should feel bad. Do I need to be aware and considerate of the fact that it is hard for her not to be the pregnant one? Do I need to remind her that it was really hard for me when she was pregnant and I felt secondary? Knowing how I felt, should I make extra efforts to make sure she doesn't feel that way? Or do I get to enjoy being pregnant because now it is my turn? I am definitely going to have to think on this one a lot more.

But the bigger issue it brings up is what am I going to do during labor? I am much more seriously considering getting a doula now. Can you imagine if I accidentally said something while in the throes of labor pains that upset Wife and she froze me out? Wouldn't that make for a fun birth experience? Crap - I am so NOT in a good place right now. And it is stressing me out!

But back to the good news...Nuchal measurements were 1.3-1.4 mm, well below the 2.5 mm "borderline" for the Kiddo's size. Woo hoo! In fact, the risk of Down's is 1 in 1,400  and risk of Trisomy 18 is 1 in 13,000. OK! By the way, Kiddo is measuring 13w2d (when I should really only be 12w5d based on midwife adjustment and 12w4d based on IVF date). So maybe a little earlier birth? Hopefully not a really big baby - medium big would be perfect. Big baby birth scares my hoohoo.

OK, so now that I actually have work I need to shift into productive mode. Let me get things done for work, let me pay my bills, organize my papers, make plans to be with friends and address the serious issues with Wife. I need a plan and I will make one!