Boo hoo - I have a cold

There is nothing new to report since I am seriously sidelined by a nasty cold. I miss my Nyquil! But really, not complaining. Not nauseated today, and given the choice I think I would take runny nose over nausea.

About to go out with Wife and friends for "drinks." Will try very hard not to appear bored. Mustering up energy to fake being interested in Wife. I know that sounds callous and harsh, which is why I write it hear instead of saying it. I really really want to love her, but I just can't seem to these days. I spent over an hour this morning listening to her yell at Kids to stop yelling! Yes, they are obnoxiously loud these days, but I guarantee she wouldn't have seen the contradiction in her actions. But overall we have done a better job of not fighting this week. I just wonder if it is because I am avoiding issues and not speaking up for myself or if it is because we are making progress on not pissing each other off. Too soon to call.

Meanwhile gearing up for a busy weekend and resting as much as possible. Trying not to think too hard about the ultrasound next Thursday, which seems like an eternity away. So sad it had to be rescheduled from Tuesday. Would love to know how many are in there. I think I am going to be sad if there isn't two. But if I were honest, two would not be good for us. Twins is hard. Really hard. And 4 kids is a lot of kids. I know that our lives would be so much easier if we were to have a singleton. But part of me loves the fact that my Kids have each other in a way that can't be reproduced for a singleton. And part of it is selfish -- I want to belong to the twin group through direct experience.Why? I don't know. I get that I belong, that I am very involved with raising twins, and that is its own challenge. But I wonder what it would be like to be pregnant with twins. I mean, if being pregnant is an amazing experience, I can only imagine what being pregnant with twins must be like. And yet, I know twins would not be the best for me or for my family. And ultimately what is, is. So I will try over the next few days to consider removing disappointment as a possible response no matter what we see next week.