Cold night

So last night I went to a friend's house in the evening, after all kids were asleep, and normally this would have been a rejuvenating event - a reconnection that almost always makes me feel instantly better. Instead I feel like a dud. I was boring, critical, dwelling on sad things - just not somebody I would want to be around. I really hope this is a result of the IVF-hormones. Please don't let this be the new me. What scares me is that this is the second time it has happened with this particular friend. So maybe there is something boring about the friendship - where we are not yet at the point where we can call each other on the crap we spew (we have only known each other about a year). Or maybe we won't get to that point? Urgh - I hate the emotional strangle-hold I feel under.

Because when I got home, my wife was sitting on the couch, which is right next to the front door, and when I came in the house, she didn't even say hi. And this made me to sad/pissed me off! And then when I said hi and tried to engage her, I noticed that the dog was on the couch. So we just moved to a new house (rental - bummer!) a few weeks ago, and one change that I have been trying hard to implement is not letting the dogs go on the couch anymore. I am sick of the couch and pillows and blankets smelling like dog. Apparently I am the only one. So last night when I see Wife with dog and I say, "What is Dog doing on the couch?" and Wife replies "It's not a big deal - she hasn't been feeling well" this just sent me over the edge of Sometimes-I-Can't-Stand-My-Wife. Seriously. She could have apologized. She could have explained her decision to let Dog on the couch. She could have made a joke. Instead she cut my position off - she has no intention of respecting my preference that Dog does not sit on the couch. So I took the "mature" route of ignoring her, which turned into not talking to her, which turned into her not talking to me and it was a COLD night at our place.