Pregnancy Brain

I am so amazed by how my life is impacted all around just by the simple fact that I am pregnant. I think about it all the time. I have an ongoing filter...Can I do this while I am pregnant? I feel "x" - must be the Baby. And this is leading to a  pretty bad case of pregnancy brain.

I am so darn spacey! I haven't done anything too terrible, but I am so sick of the little things that I have been forgetting or doing not-as-well-as-I-would-like. I understand that my letting go of control and uber-competence might be part of the lesson I need to learn though this pregnancy, but it is so hard!

I had a little breakdown/breakthrough at acupuncture earlier this week when I realized part of my Pregnancy Brain is bothering me so much is that I am just not sure who I am or how I am as a person without being intelligent, on-top-of-it, knowing and able. It is a big part of my personal value proposition. Am I worthy or lovable with out always being right?

Wife is actually happy with my spaciness - she says it evens the playing field and she actually gets a chance to be right. But oh how I hate it - not that she is right, but that I am wrong. I so despise not being able to trust my memory or understanding of a situation.

My sister (she of 6 babies) says that the first pregnancy is the worst, but after the third or fourth you start to realize that the pregnancy can just happen on its own. It doesn't have to be the first thing you think of in the morning or last thing as you fall asleep at night or a consideration as you fasten your seatbelt and drive down the highway or...but I wonder how true that would be if she had to do IVF and then had a really scary bleed out at 16 weeks.Seriously, I can't ever go pee without holding my breath as I look at the paper to check for bleeding.

Well, I am now at 20 weeks and I have three goals for the rest of the second trimester, or at least until the end of April (bite-sized pieces afterall):
(1) Find just a little time to blog every workday - even if it is a few sentences
(2) Spend a little bit of each day not thinking about being pregnant - The distracted pregnancy brain is making it really hard to be effective at work and it is really bugging me at home. So I need to be more aware of what I am doing in each moment and less daydreaming about baby-related matters.
(3) Spend a little bit of each day focusing on the fun and amazing parts of pregnancy - I just want to enjoy this time and not stress about the scariness of it all. I don't want to get to the birth and be sad that I missed it, that it passed me by while I was too busy worrying.