There are so many advantages to a forced shut-down at work, and despite the few unpaid days, I feel really fortunate that I was able to spend almost two weeks with just my family and myself and not think one bit about work. What a blessing! Of course, getting back into the swing of things isn't easy -- and that seems to have spilled over to my blog.
On the one had I feel like I have nothing to report. And this is a good thing: I am still pregnant.
But the other part of me wants to record what I feel like and what little things are going on, just to capture the moment. So here goes: I have had mild to medium nausea but no tossing my cookies (and I daresay I won't this entire pregnancy - because I am not a good vomiter). I have managed to combat the exhaustion by taking daily naps (which ended today since I am at the office but I am hanging in there). I have a little muffin top tummy bulge, but I can't figure out if that is because I have a grapefruit-sized uterus or because I have been eating every 2 hours to combat the nausea. I can't close my skinny jeans as of this weekend, but I still fit in most everything else. I still have a hard time concentrating on anything unrelated to pregnancy (at work, at home).
Up at the snow last week I was pulling Boy up a hill in an inner tube and seriously bit it. I landed flat out on my face. Thank goodness for my swollen boobs, which broke the fall and protected my belly. Boy thought it was hilarious! Boy and Girl have been having a very fun time thinking about Baby. They like to save things or make sure there is a third item "for the baby." They also try to guess whether Baby will be a girl or a boy. Wife and I asked Kids how they will know if Baby is a boy - I love the fact that Girl said Baby would not have a coochie. It is excellent that she doesn't see a coochie as absence of a penis.
Of course Girl wants a girl and Boy wants a boy -- and I am finally getting over not having twins in my belly. I am struggling to get over feeling like a lump. I have a hard time arguing with myself about whether to tough it out and fight through the nausea and exhaustion, or whether to rest and take it easy. When I push ahead, I just end up getting grumpy and snapping and I am no fun to be around. (I have shown particular lack of patience with the kids, especially when they are not listening, and I hate yelling at them when they are only being 3 year olds - but really, how many times do you need to be asked to get your socks on???) And when I rest I just feel like a wimp and that maybe I am missing something - and maybe I am just a big loser.
And of course I am avoiding thinking about Wife and how we are doing. Well, sometimes better than others. She has been taking on a lot more and I really appreciate it. Of course, when I tell her this she says she is not doing anything different - I am only now noticing it. But I have managed to realize that Wife is really down, she has gained a lot of weight recently and she is putting off taking care of herself. She talks about it, but hasn't started it yet. And although I hate making excuses (ok, that is not entirely true - I make excuses all the time - but I hate lame excuses), I don't think any work on "us" is going to get anywhere until she starts on "her," and I don't know that I can help that happen.
I had a dream last night that I was staying at a hostel that was suddenly taken over by an outlaw gang and all guests were held prisoner. I was single and young, and while I was upset and scared, it really wasn't that awful. At the beginning I plotted with some of the other prisoners about how to escape, but then we saw one guy who tried get shot and killed. So then I worked on getting on the guards' good side and I got a lot more privileges, like the ability to walk the common areas rather than being trapped in the stinky rooms. And at one point I was sitting in the lobby with another "guest" and one guard left the front door open. We looked at each other to see if we should make a run for it. Eventually I decided that it wasn't so bad where we were, and I wasn't going to risk it trying to get out. I remember feeling, as I said this in my dream, that this was not a good sign. That I had lost my will to fight for what I wanted and deserved. That I was complacent with being held a prisoner. This dream, which ended soon after the lobby incident by Girl waking up, has haunted me today. Not really sure what to do about it.
Well, I suppose there is a bit for me to write about, even if reluctantly.
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