Just a Thin Thread of Hope Left

Wednesday night: Peed on a Stock (POAS) - negative
Thursday night: POAS - negative
Friday morning: POAS - negative
So why do I still feel as though I am pregnant?

Well, it will be over in less than 3 hours. I had the blood drawn at 8. The nurse made it seem unlikely to be positive. And yet I maintain that thin little thread of hope. Wife holds tightly to the idea. She won't even entertain the idea that I might not be pregnant. Says I have been acting different (spacey, etc) and is oblivious to the idea that I be spacey because I am distracted about the idea of being (or not being) pregnant, but whatever - she always has her own ideas. It is actually one of the reasons I am (was?) attracted to her. In any event, a part of me is already mourning.

I was really looking forward to the beautiful symmetry of a pregnancy now. Boy and Girl were conceived via IVF the same week 4 years ago. And this would make a lovely June birthday. If I am not pregnant, I need to take a month off to allow my body to rest from the hormones. So now we are looking at an August birthday. Up through October is ok. But I think kids born in November or December, even early January, get shafted. October is tough for school - either the oldest or the youngest.

I suppose no matter what the news, either way, the call is going to bring me some relief so that at least I know and I don't have to wonder any more. It's too bad I am not busier at work to take my mind off of things. Instead I get to pull at, unravel, grasp onto that last thin thread.