Mixed Bag

First off, I want to say that I am actually really proud of how well I am coping. Of course I know that finding out one is not pregnant is not the end of the world. There are SOO many worse things. But I tend to be pretty depressive, and I thought I would be quite bad off if this thing happened. Which it did. And I am ok.

I guess that is what karma is about - teaching you the lesson you needed to learn. That I can be just fine even upon this big disappointment. That it isn't the end of the world. And we will just try again next month.

Aha! So there is the rub. I was caught off-guard by another disappointing sock in the gut this morning, after getting Aunt Flo (with an souped-up over-hormone vengeance) when I called the IVF clinic. Last Friday, when they gave me the news that the test was negative, I asked when we could try again with the frozen embryos (aka my future babies - yes, I said babies. I think it is just better to go with that thought now, but I digress...) Anyway, the doctor said we could tr right away, there was no need to wait, I should call as soon as I got my period.

So for some reason, I got in my head the idea that we could try again in 2 weeks - at the time I would ovulate. Sure, thinking about it now, that assumption does seem pretty silly. Why do I need to ovulate? We are putting already fertilized embryos into me. We don't need to match my cycle - of course! I can say this now! But it really came as a bit of a shock this morning when I found out that they will "write up a calendar" to prepare for a transfer in 6-8 weeks. 6-8 weeks? That sucks! I really thought I would have another chance in 2 weeks. Now I have to start birth control pills (BCP) and then the Lupron and then who knows what else. I am so bummed about this!

Well, I read that some people do "natural" Frozen Embryo Transfers (FET) without the BCP and shots - just wait until your body is ovulating so that your uterus is doing what is would naturally to get ready for the embryo. I really like this idea. I am seriously considering talking to the clinic to see if it is a possibility. Part of my worries about "wasting" the precious embryos - if I only have 8 should I prep and prime myself as much as possible (that is, using lots of drugs), or should I put faith in my body to do what it needs to do on its own? I want to trust my body to have everything that it needs. But (and this is actually a big BUT) there is a high probability that my body would be naturally ovulating on the day or weekend of Wife's marathon that she has been training for for over 2 months. So maybe I go the druggie route. Oooh, I am so not looking forward to the Lupron. And it means we could be in December before I get to try again. Crap!