Random Update

Today I took my last Birth Control Pill -- let's just hope the upcoming embryo transfer is successful so I never have to take birth control again! I am dreading the next stage: Lupron only. During the egg retrieval process, I got the worst headaches on Lupron only. I was so ouchy. I reminded Wife of this yesterday when I let her in on how injections were going and her response was, literally, "Great!" with two thumbs up and cheesy grin. I suppose it could have been worse.

I am trying really hard to be hopeful, but really I am not. At first I thought it was because I was scared to be hopeful, and I would rather be pleasantly surprised than disappointed again. But I don't think that is it - I am truly not hopeful that it will work. What evidence do I have? Only 18 months of trying. Now I know that the first 12 months didn't work because of sperm issues, and the next 6 months consisted entirely of 1 (yes 1!) IVF attempt, so there isn't really a track record here. In fact, there is no evidence to support my feeling that it won't work. So I have to change my thinking. I do believe in the power of the mind on the body. So somehow I need to concentrate on the lack of evidence, on the lack of a reason to think it won't work. It really could work. I mean, it will work?

I scoured the Internet yesterday looking for a blog about a lesbian who got pregnant from a Frozen Embryo Transfer. I spent a little over an hour. I found a lot of interesting blogs that I might look into more later, but no FET success story. Finally I emailed a friend that I knew was pregnant (second child) from IVF, and it reassured me to learn that hers was an FET. So obviously it can happen. (On a side note, I just found out another friend is pregnant. I am trying really hard to be happy for her - I mean, I am happy for her, really excited, but I am trying really hard not to be sad for me at the same time.)

Meanwhile, I continue to lack direction and focus at work or home. And I would really like a few hours to myself. Hmm...I wonder how I can work that in.